Your Regular Dose of Positive Spin...
Because You Don't Appreciate Enough

Micro$oft

By now it seems as if the decades-old Apple vs. Microsoft/Mac vs. PC debate will rage on forever.

During the course of this 30-Years War, Apple has cleverly marketed itself as the browbeaten underdog that tirelessly creates the innovations which Microsoft steals, repackages, and distributes with the sole goal of maximum profit at the expense of quality, stability, and security.

And of course there is some truth to that.

Apple has definitely been a front-runner when it comes to innovation, some of which has been aped by Microsoft and other companies with embarrassing shamelessness, but the quality and stability difference between a Mac and PC has long since abated (if you even argue this one, you clearly haven’t used a PC in at least a decade). And since the technology of your hardware on either platform will be outdated within a few years anyway, do you really need it to be encased in expensive stainless steel?

But this post isn’t trying to influence your next laptop purchase. And it’s not about choosing sides. No, this post is about Microsoft. Greedy, evil, backstabbing, antitrust-busting Micro$oft.

Sexy Time

Seriously though, Microsoft isn’t the evil giant everyone makes it out to be. Especially if you’re comparing it directly to Apple, which is what people tend to do. So for the sake of nearing a truce, let’s do what they do in couples counseling and try a little role reversal. Let’s imagine a world where Apple owns the home computing market:

  • Laptops under $500 would be an absurd concept. The gold-plating alone (for the outlandishly-stylish casing) would cost more than that.
  • Forget your homebrew apps and your freewares and your piratebays. Without the dominant competition to force its hand, Apple’s OS is locked down to the point of quashing even the most clever and generous developer-hobbyists. On the plus side, your Mac will be riddled with viruses now that it’s the dominant platform for hackers. PC users would claim that this is because Apple is inherently less secure.
  • Your iTunes would never be DRM free now that Apple’s running the show. Bittorrent would definitely not get through their application screening process.
  • Billions of dollars would no longer be given to worldwide charities. Apple isn’t exactly known for its philanthropy.
  • 95% of the world’s computers are now under the control of Steve Jobs, who just laughs in the face of everyone who questions his random whims or gets on the wrong side of his vengeful grudges. If you thought Bill Gates was unscrupulous, he’s not nearly as threatening as the possibility of Steve Job’s unchecked megalomania and rampant control issues.
  • No right-click or useful controls. Everything would have just one big button.
  • No Flash. Okay, that one might be a genuine positive.
  • Even more Justin Long?

So yeah, those are all wild suppositions about an alternative universe that never existed, but the reality is that Microsoft’s relatively open position and encouragement toward outside developers has lead to some of the biggest software innovations and technology revolutions of our time. In spite of its anti-trust issues with Internet Explorer, the company’s willingness to license Windows to outside manufacturers has spurred hardware competition, making computers so cheap that over 80% of American households now own a computer and 92% of those homes have access to the internet. On top of that, you can add its unparalleled charitable giving. Yeah, it’s made a couple crappy operating systems and a bad browser or two, and yeah they could learn a lot about marketing and product design, but try to cut ‘em some slack, you silly hipster, you.

Microsoft is effing awesome.


 

Leave a comment for: "Micro$oft"

Tag Cloud