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Posts Tagged ‘catholicism’

You might think that the awesomest, most balls-out puke-festiest place to celebrate St. Patrick’s day would be in Ireland. But you’d be wrong.

In Ireland, St. Patrick’s Day is a celebration of when Catholicism was introduced to Ireland.

In America, it’s a celebration of when Irish stereotypes were introduced to America.

In Ireland, St. Patrick’s Day is similar to Thanksgiving in America, where you celebrate by eating a solemn feast with your Aunt Cadence.

In America, if your Aunt Cadence isn’t wearing a green g-string, she isn’t invited.

In Ireland, St. Patrick’s Day is a national holiday and a holy day of obligation, so you have to go to church.

In America, it’s a day of obligatory drunken buffoonery, and you have to go to Chili’s for some green beer.

In America, you wear a button that says “Kiss me, I’m Irish,” whether or not you’re actually Irish.

In Ireland, everyone is Irish, whether you kiss them or not, so the magic is kinda lost.

In America, you wear green on St. Patrick’s Day in solidarity with the Irish.

In Ireland, you only wear green if you are Catholic, and mostly just out of opposition to those orange Protestant heathens.

It’s true that in the last decade or so, Ireland has attempted to catch up to the Americans and their unique St. Patrick’s Day traditions, offering festivals and parties that feature drunken debauchery and loose morals. But let’s just remember that the Irish actually have the Americans to thank for the garish monstrosity that St. Patrick’s Day has become. Not the other way around. It’s proof that Americans know how to party harder than the Irish. USA! USA! USA!

You’re welcome, Ireland.

Those Silly Irish Drunks

St. Patrick’s Day is effing awesome.


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