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Posts Tagged ‘evil incarnate’


History hasn’t been kind to Hitler. And rightly so, of course. But the depth of study into his upbringing and the intense examination into his past have revealed some not-so-flattering facts and birthed some not-so-fortunate theories about the dictator. Some of these theories border on wild speculation while some are more verifiable, but if you believe all the Hitler experts out there, he was basically a syphilitic, mentally-disabled, insecure drug-addict who raped his niece and obsessed about his own feces.

It’s our nature to want to make him more monster than human, so a lot of these theories should probably be taken with a grain of salt, but one thing the experts agree on as being factually accurate: Hitler had an agonizing flatulence problem.

“Spasmodic stomach cramps, constipation and diarrhea, possibly the result of nervous tension, had been Hitler’s curse since childhood and only grew more severe as he aged.”

It seems as if he was in a constant state of fart. His quack doctor tried to remedy the problem with snake-oil pills — whose main ingredient was strychnine — which Hitler gobbled down 16 times a day. Some experts even point to evidence that he showed serious signs of strychnine poison toward his bitter end, leading us to the startling and ironic realization: Hitler very nearly gassed himself to death.

Albert Speer recalled that the Führer, ashen-faced, would leap up from the dinner table and disappear to his room.

Does Hitler’s gastro-intestinal torment even come close to making up for his legacy of terror? Obviously not, but it’s a small little victory to imagine him walking around in a cloud of his own flatulence, like Pig Pen from the Peanuts. As if his own body wanted to constantly remind him that he was literally rotten to the core.

His Kampf

Hitler’s flatulence problem was effing awesome.


 

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