Your Regular Dose of Positive Spin...
Because You Don't Appreciate Enough

Posts Tagged ‘poop’


If, while taking your morning “constitutional” ever day, you aren’t thanking your lucky stars that you are sitting on a clean white porcelain toilet instead of squatting over a ditch that runs through the middle of your town, then you certainly don’t appreciate how good you got it.

If you’ve never contracted cholera, dysentery, or hepatitis because your drinking water was contaminated with fecal matter, then you should probably quit bitchin’ about your health issues.

If you don’t have to wash your clothes in the same water where your neighbor poops, then are you basically living the high life.

Thank Your Lucky Stars

Three-fifths of the world’s population lack access to basic sanitation. So, when you poop in your clean toilet, in the cozy privacy of your own bathroom, and then clean yourself up with your scented soaps and suds… you’re in the minority. Let’s hope you appreciate this oft-forgotten fact.

Related Factoid:
First World and Third World are fairly well-understood concepts, but who, what, or where is the “Second World?” From Wikipedia:

The term “Second World” is a phrase that was used to describe the Communist states within the Soviet Union’s sphere of influence or those countries that had centrally-planned economies.

So where do the commies poop?

First world sanitation is effing awesome.


 

Puppies are not only super cute, just petting them increases your body’s level of serotonin, prolactin, and oxytocin, which basically makes you high. That’s right, petting puppies gets you high.

OMG SO CUTE.

But cleaning up runny dog poop, replacing chewed-up furniture, and listening to incessant barking and whining can really bring a person down. A puppy’s constant need for attention can be suffocating. So basically, they can induce frustration and depression as well.

OMG SO CUTE.

So how can you get high on puppies without letting them get you down? The answer is simple: other people’s puppies. Just go to a dog park or visit a friend and get your pet on. Then go home before they shit on your shoes.

OMG SO CUTE.

The same goes for babies.

Other people’s puppies are effing awesome.


 

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