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Posts Tagged ‘sluts’


Now that the seminal 70’s musical Grease is being run ad-nauseum on ABC Family Channel and Summer Lovin’ has been remixed for the dance floor of every wedding reception you’ve ever been to, people seem to have forgotten that the movie is fairy subversive when it comes to modern morality and social morays.

“Subversive” be damned; it’s downright hedonistic.

If you remove all the upbeat song and dance numbers and then boil the plot down to its most basic elements, you’re left with something like the following:

SlutIn a 50’s era highschool, a band of society-spurning renegade teenagers and their group of kept women have unprotected sex, stage dangerous automobile races, and engage in underage drinking with utter abandon. As one teenager comes to terms with her own teenage pregnancy, another outcast drops out of school amidst confusion and indifference about her lackluster future. Yet another must deal with the advances of a pedophile television host with a dangerously aggressive sense of entitlement. The boys callously ruin reputations by spreading tawdry rumors about sexual conquests that never happened (Summer Lovin’, indeed), while the girls deride each other with cruel disdain. And in the midst of all of this depravity, all eyes are on Sandra Dee, a wholesome outsider who must shed her comfortable skin by changing her appearance, subverting her morals, suppressing her own personality, and hyper-sexualizing her persona in a desperate attempt to keep the man she thinks she loves.

Kids, get the popcorn!

But if you look at it through slightly more forgiving eyes, Grease depicts real issues of real teenagers that most movies gloss over with saccharine sentimentality and unrealistically altruistic outcomes. Grease is different. The teenagers act like teenagers and learn lessons like teenagers and act like teen-aged idiots, and in the end the outcome does not exactly teach the lessons that your mama wants you to learn. By adding in song and dance numbers, Grease also gets the “wild, frivolous heyday of youth” aspect spot on as well. It’s all just a party to kids. It may seem goofy, but it’s probably one of the more realistic portrayals of stupid teenagers in all of film history.

And don’t feel sorry for Sandra Dee. Lord knows there are a lot of Betty-Sues and Sandra-Dees in the world — goody-two-shoe fuddy-duddies who are unable to let their hairs down. You’re only young once, and Sandy had some catching up to do. Good on her.

The morality of Grease is effing awesome.


 

Slutty Cats

It was only about 90 million years ago when cats and humans split on the evolutionary timeline. Since then, humans have developed to be intellectually and emotionally prudent in their sexual proclivities while cats have evolved into awesome super sluts.

Due to how they ovulate, a standard house cat needs to mate at least four times before she’s even capable of getting knocked up. In a matter of days. And depending on her situation, it usually isn’t even with the same tomcat. It’s pretty much whoever can pin her down while she’s in heat. This rampant promiscuity means that each kitten in the litter could come from a different papa cat, turning our hapless female into a ghetto-fabulous baby-mama in just one pregnancy.

And it’s not just house cats, either. When in heat, lionesses do it up to 100 times a day, with multiple suitors, all in the same incestuous pride. That’s like one of those gang-bang videos only not disgusting because it’s natural.

Unfortunately, kitty sex doesn’t seem so pleasant for the female, since the males have these nasty barbed penises that scrape up their insides:


Condolences to the unfortunate computer animator who had to recreate that thing for educational purposes.

Evolution has turned cats into sluts, which is fine because it reminds us of what really separates us from the animals, besides 90 million years of evolution: our social mores, for better or worse. Cats can do it guilt-free, with as many partners and as often as they want. But with that sexual freedom comes painful barbed-penis sex. And feline AIDS, which infects 2.5% of cats in the United States. And rampant overproduction.

Sure, it would be awesome to be able to be as slutty as you wanted to be without any judgment whatsoever from your peers, and yes, perhaps humans go a little too far with their sexual prudencies. But humans clearly got the better end of that particular evolutionary divide.

For reminding us that complete sexual freedom might not necessarily be a good thing, slutty cats are effing awesome.


 

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