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Posts Tagged ‘stupidity’

Now that the seminal 70’s musical Grease is being run ad-nauseum on ABC Family Channel and Summer Lovin’ has been remixed for the dance floor of every wedding reception you’ve ever been to, people seem to have forgotten that the movie is fairy subversive when it comes to modern morality and social morays.

“Subversive” be damned; it’s downright hedonistic.

If you remove all the upbeat song and dance numbers and then boil the plot down to its most basic elements, you’re left with something like the following:

SlutIn a 50’s era highschool, a band of society-spurning renegade teenagers and their group of kept women have unprotected sex, stage dangerous automobile races, and engage in underage drinking with utter abandon. As one teenager comes to terms with her own teenage pregnancy, another outcast drops out of school amidst confusion and indifference about her lackluster future. Yet another must deal with the advances of a pedophile television host with a dangerously aggressive sense of entitlement. The boys callously ruin reputations by spreading tawdry rumors about sexual conquests that never happened (Summer Lovin’, indeed), while the girls deride each other with cruel disdain. And in the midst of all of this depravity, all eyes are on Sandra Dee, a wholesome outsider who must shed her comfortable skin by changing her appearance, subverting her morals, suppressing her own personality, and hyper-sexualizing her persona in a desperate attempt to keep the man she thinks she loves.

Kids, get the popcorn!

But if you look at it through slightly more forgiving eyes, Grease depicts real issues of real teenagers that most movies gloss over with saccharine sentimentality and unrealistically altruistic outcomes. Grease is different. The teenagers act like teenagers and learn lessons like teenagers and act like teen-aged idiots, and in the end the outcome does not exactly teach the lessons that your mama wants you to learn. By adding in song and dance numbers, Grease also gets the “wild, frivolous heyday of youth” aspect spot on as well. It’s all just a party to kids. It may seem goofy, but it’s probably one of the more realistic portrayals of stupid teenagers in all of film history.

And don’t feel sorry for Sandra Dee. Lord knows there are a lot of Betty-Sues and Sandra-Dees in the world — goody-two-shoe fuddy-duddies who are unable to let their hairs down. You’re only young once, and Sandy had some catching up to do. Good on her.

The morality of Grease is effing awesome.


Stupid Teenagers

Stupid teenagers are the worst.

They truly understand next to nothing, yet they think they know everything. And annoyingly, you can’t convince them otherwise because they don’t even have the mental capability to understand the concept. Seriously. It’s hardcore science. Just like it’s impossible to teach a dog to talk due to their underdeveloped vocal cords, you can’t teach a teenager to understand their own fallibility or limitations due to their underdeveloped brains. It’s literally impossible to get through to the idiots.

Worst of all, they are old enough to engage in stupid, risky behavior, but not smart enough to fully understand the consequences. Their immature brains are not yet capable of avoiding risky behaviors because the brain systems that control basic cognitive and physical abilities develops way before the area that controls impulse and emotions. Whoopsie! Evolution really got that developmental pattern ass-backwards, didn’t it?

Or did it?

There’s been a lot of recent studies on the teenage brain. This is probably because the stupidity of teenagers seem downright fascinating at times, but regardless, a few theories have started to arise about why teenagers are dumber than a bag of hammers, and how this might actually be an evolutionary benefit.

One theory suggests (using some round-about logic that your average moronic teenager could never understand) that some “risk-taking among adolescents is evidence that they are trying out more adultlike roles. Having unsafe sex and driving too fast may be mistakes, but kids often have to experiment with limits in order to learn how to live within them. Which, in turn, is a sign of maturity.” So basically, it’s the mature ones who act the stupidest. And if the dunderheads survive their reckless youths, they will be all the better for it in the future. Well-adjusted even. Just don’t get in front of them if they are driving a car since “16,000 young people die each year from unintentional injuries.” Mostly in ridiculous car wrecks. On top of that, a slew of them become under-aged, unwed parents who are doomed to repeat the pattern of failsmanship. Apparently whoever’s left over seems well-adjusted by comparison, so that theory totally checks out.

Another, more plausible study suggests that a teenager’s stupidity could actually be an evolutionary benefit due to the fact that a teenager would never gather the courage to leave his childhood home and make a life of his own if his brain ware capable of understanding how dangerous the real world actually is. So for humans to continue to develop and thrive and evolve as a species, teenagers need to remain just stupid enough to take a few risky chances and to make a few bold moves before their brains can develop enough to make them realize how incredibly dim-witted, short-sighted, and crazy they have been acting for the last twenty five years.

So there you have it. Teenagers are stupid because it benefits the human race in the long haul. It’s survival of the mentally un-fittest. It doesn’t make them any less stupid or annoying, but still, you should probably thank them for being so bone-headed. And thank yourself, too. Because you were a stupid teenager once as well, but luckily you were just short of being stupid enough to recklessly kill yourself.

And if you’re reading this and thinking, “Not my kid. My kid ‘gets it’…” They don’t. They might be able to fake it in front of you, but if you could see inside their heads you’d be shocked at how little they actually understand. But the blindspot of a doting parent probably has some evolutionary benefit, too, so don’t sweat it too hard.

Stupid teenagers are effing awesome.

Benefiting the Human Race

Benefiting the Human Race


Carl Sagan

Carl Sagan, the renowned astronomer and scientist, is awesome because he is not Bill O’Reilly.

This can be said about pretty much everyone, of course, but it is especially true of Carl Sagan.

And Thank God For That

Carl Sagan was an intelligent, articulate, critical thinker and skeptic. His rationalism was infectious. His calm demeanor was soothing. He never felt the need to argue with teleprompters.

The same cannot be said about Bill O’Reilly.

Carl Sagan wrote books about the virtue of science, the search for meaningful truth inside our universe, and the value of skeptical thought. He was agnostic, but also wrote about his own personal search for God, which he theorized could be described as anything from “the sum total of the physical laws that govern the universe” to something much more. But he was also smart enough to understand that the concept of God was something that could never be fully proven or understood.

The same cannot be said about Bill O’Reilly, who writes intellectually feeble books with divisive titles like Pinheads and Patriots and argues that the tides of the ocean prove the existence of God. Compounding his abysmal misunderstanding of scientific reasoning and critical thought, Bill O’Reilly also doesn’t seem to have the intellectual capacity to understand that there is no way to prove that God exists, or that this should not be an issue to a person with faith. Faith doesn’t need proof. That’s the point of faith. You really shouldn’t feel the need to embarrass yourself by revealing your utter lack of scientific understanding or logical reasoning in order to make a point that doesn’t even need to be made in the first place.

Carl Sagan knows where the moon came from.

Of course, we understand that Bill O’Reilly probably does indeed know how the moon was formed, or if he doesn’t, he would at least know how to Google it. But Bill O’Reilly seems to be wanting to make the point that you can keep asking the question of origin all the way back to the Big Bang and still not have an answer to “How’d it get there?” What started it all? Bill O’Reilly has a difficult time articulating that point, but Bill O’Reilly is also not smart enough to understand that this argument is a logical fallacy anyway. Because if you are going to argue that everything has to have come from somewhere, then don’t you have to apply that same argument to God? Oh, everything has to come from somewhere except for God? Carl Sagan would would have given you an ‘F’ in debate, Bill O’Reilly. In fact, Carl Sagan wouldn’t have engaged in such an unwinnable debate in the first place. Carl Sagan had bigger things to think about.

Carl Sagan predicted Global Warming, championed the search for extra-terrestrial life, correctly hypothesized the atmosphere of our local planets and their moons, won a Pulitzer, and introduced dozens of profoundly influential concepts into our scientific lexicon.

The same cannot be said about Bill O’Reilly, who doesn’t know the difference between a falafel and a loofah.

Carl Sagan is also awesome because he is not Glenn Beck.

The same cannot be said about Bill O’Reilly, but that’s another story.

Carl Sagan is effing awesome.


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