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Posts Tagged ‘the closer’

The Muppets

Nearly forty people commit suicide by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge every year. They’ve proposed installing a multi-million dollar suicide barrier on the bridge just to curb the carnage, but that would just be a temporary hindrance for the truly suicidal. If they really wanted to stop the suicides, they would simply mount televisions at regular intervals across the bridge and broadcast nothing but The Muppets 24 hours a day 7 days a week. There would never be a another jumper.

Ode to Joy

If they could only put The Muppets into pill form, they would have a permanent cure for depression. One might think that suggesting you can cure suicide with a dose of The Muppets is trivializing the disease, but if there’s anything that’s closer to pure joy than The Muppets, it hasn’t been discovered yet. So it only makes sense to bombard the unhappy with the ultimate happy as a last resort.

Bohemian Rhapsody

Speaking of suicides on the Golden Gate, one woman actually survived her first suicidal jump, only to return to jump again and died the second time. You think that would have happened if had she heard an appropriately-timed “Wakka Wakka?”

The Closer

Fun Fact: You’ll notice that most Muppets are left-handed. This is because most puppeteers use their right hands to operate the head while operating the arm rod with their left hand. It’s like bizarro world.

The Muppets are effing awesome.


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